Delivering Love

Recently I’ve been searching within myself about who I really am. Or so I thought. The reality is I was searching for someone who does not exist. The truth is after all these years I know who I am, what I struggle to understand is that the person who needs to accept that most is me ..ME! Truly I hope you will read this and in your heart find ways to love and accept yourself exactly for who you are.

I want to share with you a story about a colleague and friend that I work with. She is one of the kindest, most thoughtful and considered people I have ever had the joy to meet. Not long after she started within our workplace we had a staff training day. We were looking at our personality types and so on and talking about various elements of them and how they may apply to the workplace. This lovely lady tentatively mentioned aspects of her character/personality that she felt were somewhat negative. It was a very humbling experience listening to her and my first instinct was to want to help her be bolder, braver..turn around all the things she felt were negative elements. Fast forward a few years and my opinion has altered significantly. Rather than a negative, her very gentleness and softness of spirit have become a balm in our feisty and passionate workplace. The reality is that what she readily felt were flaws are in truth amazing qualities . It left me asking myself why this had to be lived out to be truly valued and why we can’t instantly see the beauty in the less obvious?

In the same vein my sister recently asked me about the volunteers in my team and what their roles were. It was just a general interest question and I easily answered. This one does this, that one does that, and so on. I then got to one of our volunteers and my answer was this “she looks after us“. Another quiet spirit who is not comfortable in the limelight but she makes us breakfast as we busy about. She regularly hydrates us with fresh cups of tea, just when we need it most. If you say ‘someone remind me of….’ she is the one who will remember. It’s not that any of this was new to me but in that moment I understood the uniqueness and blessing ,if you like, of her spirit.  Again I asked myself why is this a revelation?

At the polar end of the scale is another of my volunteers. She often describes herself as “too much”.  Words like “I know people can’t take to me because I’m hyper” drip off her tongue with ease, and frankly it leaves me feeling perplexed. If you asked me to describe the same person I would say these words …loyal, kind, loving and shy. I’m not saying that she isn’t super hyper , what I’m saying is that this is not her defining quality. Not by a very long shot. I can’t help but wonder if it was such a prominent negative why would she be such an important and significant part of people’s lives? Why is she conditioned to respond in the negative about herself?

For me to describe myself instinct would be to respond with words like  ..’loud, talkative, bossy, friendly, loyal and loving’. So I ask myself why do I use these words and do they really define who I am and if they do why do I feel like some of the are bad? It would be a simple task to see responses in this regard from friends and family and enjoy these as the antithesis of my own words, but the deeper question is this. Who am I to me ? Moreover how can I be a genuine version of myself if I cannot value who I am?

The truth is rooted in the value we think or believe others place on us. We all want to be loved, more than that we all want to be liked . We are raised to believe that conforming our personalities is in essence polite. It’s manners to be a certain way and it’s considerate to adapt our personalities in many situations. We hear all our lives phrases like ‘show the other side of you, let people see that’ as if somehow one aspect of our personalities has hijacked the other and we need to unleash the hostage in order for the personality system within us to be in alignment with polite society. Maybe you’re wondering whats wrong with being polite and courteous, my answer is absolutely nothing. My point is when did we reach a stage in history where uniqueness and individuality was on a sliding scale of acceptability?

Reality is the issue lies deep within us all. It’s a prison of our own making and a cage honed by trepidation and fear. It is good for us to be aware of  our own shortcomings. It is positive to work on ourselves but it is wrong to simply drown these parts of our being because we are afraid of the reaction of others.

I believe each aspect of our hearts, minds and souls has been placed with us for a purpose. Each emotion or character combined to make us perfectly equipped to fulfil our own unique destiny. The challenge is in the knowing of ourselves and trusting our instincts .

What if each person was a piece of music? Each one individual and entirely exclusive. Within every living being a song that can be replicated by no other. It belongs only to them and if it is played properly then it’s tune will be equisite. What if , however, we chose only to play certain parts of our music? What if only the loud and defined elements were played? Surely a din that no ear could suffer? Or if only the quiet tones and soft notes were in evidence , then it becomes inaudible. Our song is not one or the other. It’s a harmonious piece that rises and falls in tone and passion to convey beauty and stir our souls into purpose. The word “tutti” is italian for ‘all together’. In musical terms it signifies the coming together of the whole orchestra …  sometimes a soloist is beautiful and adds great value to the piece but our songs were designed to be a beautiful mixture of many notes and styles. Some songs are loud and upbeat, others have a peaceful and soothing lament. The differences make them no less beautiful the difficulty is in knowing that not everyone likes every song or every genre of music . That is perfeclty fine; just know that in this world there are those that need YOUR song.

You don’t need to search for the audience for your song ‘ instead simply believe in its unique beauty, play it to the best of your ability and trust that those who are designed to appreciate and benefit from your tune will hear it. We must never rubbish something simply on the basis of taste . Who is anyone to decide what is and what is not right? All we can do is play the song within our hearts in the most beautiful and accurate way possible. We must miss no notes because perhaps someone will not appreciate the drama of it, we must instead be assured that others will find their hearts lit because  of it. We must remember that when we mute our own sound we deprive the listeners destined to hear our voice. It is for others to tune out if it is not what they wish to hear it is not for us to change our song and destroy our harmony.

Authenticity of self is freedom. Acknowledging our entire self is peace. Singing your own song is life!

Nobody can tell you
There’s only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
‘Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you

But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

You’re gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do

But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand

‘Cause You gotta make your own kind of music

Barry Mann & Cynthia Well 1968