Delivering Love

I loved seeing all the applause on tv last night – we didn’t hear it because we live in the middle of nowhere but nonetheless we all stood out and applauded , a few distant fireworks cheering us on .

Naturally my thoughts are of my immediate close friends on the front line , battling or preparing for the next enemy onslaught. My thoughts also with my former midwifery and nursing student friends practising all over the world and of course, colleagues . My sisters in arms . It was beautiful to see them so honoured .

However my heart cannot help but think of all the many times this has not been the case . Hospitals , GP surgeries , clinics etc are peppered with posters and notices declaring the NHS policy of no tolerance to violence and aggression against staff . It’s bewildering that such notices are required but trust me they are . Many years ago , I was a young midwife in South Shields working in a small local maternity unit . One afternoon I asked a family who had long outstayed visiting hours to leave . I did so politely and without anger . Within seconds I was held against the wall by my neck – for a few seconds my feet actually lifted off the ground . A certain large male visitor having decided that I had no such rights to interrupt their visit . The horrible thing is after he was removed by security I just got on with my shift . Terribly shaken indeed but scarily accepting of such an attack being part and parcel of the job .

Never , ever , should a person who works to care for anyone ever think violence is to be expected in the workplace . A society where this exists is a society that has lost its way .

Violence is extreme and thankfully not too frequent , however verbal abuse is a daily occurrence for most NHS staff . We of course understand that emotions of fear and upset run high during illness and we accept that and make allowances . That is part and parcel of a holistic approach to caring for a patient and their loved ones . What is not acceptable is the aggressive and forceful attitude of entitlement that exists in society that translates in the NHS world as me first , me now or else !

I promise you , while uncaring and unfeeling health staff do exist , they are by far and away a minority of the smallest percentage . Nursing and medicine is just simply not a job you can do without a heart . It’s not something you can put up with because it’s your job – there has to be more . The hours are long and unsociable . Holidays like Easter and Christmas are often sacrificed. Shifts are hard , long and exhausting . The work is physically , mentally and emotionally demanding and the rewards are often few and far between . This is a career that is most certainly for most a vocation. It is simply unsurvivable otherwise . Never presume to the contrary. Never . This is a ‘job’ done for the love and care of others . From an innate desire to help people when they need it most .

There is also much hidden from view that is impossible for people not in the profession ever to understand. I get so angry when I hear tales of “there was not a midwife in sight the whole of visiting “ . Why ? Because that’s the time we know people are distracted and have others around them . These are the times we take much needed breaks – throw a quick cuppa or micro dinner down our throats and take a brief but much needed break . And believe me brief they are . I know no midwife on Gods green earth who would chose to finish her lasagne over returning to her woman who has made a sudden progression in her labour and is about to deliver . Never . We have bonded with our mum and we will see her through to the end which quite possibly means yet another dinner of Quality Street grabbed in the passing . And what of the tears shed and hearts broken . Do you really think that little dead newborn doesn’t break our hearts ? Or the suffering grandmother in pain and anguish doesn’t affect us ? Of course it does . Sadness and pain though is not ours to show , it has to be stored for later , for a quiet moment when alone or when with a trusted ear who understands GDPR and confidentiality and allows us to debrief and carry on . I’ve written before about these moments , many etched forever on hearts of people in the health professions all over this land .

We do not have no feelings , we are not heartless , we are simply adept at suppressing normal emotions in order to make YOU more important than ourselves . This is not hard or harsh it is both considerate and a means of survival.

My deep and genuine prayer is that over these weeks and months of change and restriction that people will learn . They will learn that not every ailment requires a nurse or Dr and that many such things can be dealt with through rest and home remedies . They will learn that when they do need to seek medical help that it is more available because everyone is paying attention to their newly learned ability to deal with small things at home . They will learn that our NHS, far from being a right, is indeed a tremendous privilege and blessing . They will learn that when the world is trembling in fear and anxiety their NHS staff pack up their own fears and worries and put them in their lockers until their long shift is over . They will learn that many made the ultimate sacrifice – giving their life in service to sick people . They will learn to value what they have for too long taken for granted .

So while the applause was beautiful and loving and genuinely given .. please please please remember the feelings that prompted you to do this act of kindness and support . Never let us return to a time when our NHS was seen as a organisation filled with simply workers , let us always remember their value and sacrifice .

I hope hospitals around this land are renamed in honour of those who have given their lives . How easy it is to ignore an establishment with the word Royal in its title . How much harder would it be to forget if the names of the fallen were at the head of these hospitals and clinics .

The cute Christmas puppy too often becomes the run of the mill dog that is easily discarded after the buzz of the festivities are over . Please please learn from this terrible time . Your NHS is not just for the Corona virus , what you are witnessing now is no different to what has always been . It’s just much more visible . Love and respect those who chose to spend their lives in service . Trust me no payment of any wage is ever enough to balance what a nurse or midwife or medic carries in their hearts . We all have names and faces that are unforgettably etched on our souls . We all have grief etched in our spirits that has no place and no escape .

When all this passes and things slowly return to normality .. do not let that normality be as it was before . Be proud . Be generous . Don’t stop the little acts of kindness we have seen of late . They will be valued always and at any time . Show patience and respect to the people who will ALWAYS be there for the worst moments of your lives . Don’t wait for a crisis to be appreciative. Show it always and without restraint .