Delivering Love

There is no question that the most complex part of being me is what my little sister calls my ‘big soft heart’. It is the source of all my joys and sorrows bar none. It is a blessing , a curse and a completely reliable source of conflict all packaged up neatly within my chest cavity. It is my decision maker, good and bad, it is my motivator and it is my source of purpose in this life. It does not fit any mould that I have so far been privy to, and it causes me endless confusion that in almost half a century of living hasn’t abated.In essence it is who I am.

I think we all dream that the part of us is which is our defining characteristic will be hip, cool, standout even. The great musician who oozes talent, the style laden glamorous soul that makes little girls gasp in awe. We all want to be unique, to be talented, to be special. Here I am walking about with, what at times in my life, has felt like an unexploded bomb ready to perform a suicide mission at any given juncture should the beats of my heart be so stimulated. Eye rolling from those who know me best and frequently pick up the pieces of disaster that loom as a result. However it is mine. God in his infinite wisdom, I believe, created me this way for a purpose. It’s far from standout. It’s even farther removed from glamorous , but it is me and that is what this blog is all about. I have been urged for some years now to properly put pen to paper, so to speak. My previous platform being the odd post on Facebook. When the urge to write something comes I can honestly say that it is not me, and that is how I always want it to be. I believe that occasionally God allows me a little wisdom far beyond my own skills or limited understanding of life and if that resonates with another soul then my big soft heart is delighted!

My life has been lived in the pursuit of love. I am loved. I have a loving family that extends from a husband and children to parents and siblings, dear friends and a wealth of beautiful spirited people I am blessed to know as mine. My pursuit is more than that . It is like an itch that cannot be scratched. All around I see souls in need of love. Something within me stirs .. I am helpless at the mercy of such feelings. I have tried all the tactics of being cautious, keeping my distance, looking at the ‘big picture’ but it simply is wasted energy . Truly I believe there is good to be found even within the darkest of souls and hard as I may have tried at times (and try I have) I cannot ignore the pursuit of finding the gold that lies within.

I am a midwife. I will always be a midwife because it is something that has connected me with my endless pursuit in a purposeful way. I no longer practise as a medical midwife but I believe that instead of nurturing would be parents as they await the delivery of their child I now nurture people as their hearts explore new depths and challenges and stand along side them as they deliver that which stirs deep in their souls. Just as any good midwife will tell you that a baby delivers itself, but for a guiding hand, so too must people be permitted to deliver that which is their purpose in life. However as with pregnancy and birth much fear and trepidation exists when a human faces a life changing moment of discovery and individual adventure. So I continue in my path as a ‘midwife’, in earnest, hoping that me and my big soft heart can somehow be of use to others, provide a soft landing, a comforting place and a place where life can flow.

I truly hope that some of my stories and musings will offer some peace and encouragement to others. Do not worry about your frequent disagreements with my opinions, I am very familiar with that and I encourage it. Allow your heart to be moved, for your mind to ask questions. See where love may take you ….