Delivering Love

Death is not final, it’s a coming home..these are the phrases we hear as Christians when a loved one passes to eternity. Do I believe that? Yes of course I do. Does it comfort me? Not always, actually not at all. It gives me peace that the person I love has found their way to God’s side and to eternal happiness, of course it does. But right here, right now, in this human earth I am fuming. Here we are navigating a world that is infinitely less without that person as part of it, celebrations are had with an empty chair torturing our vision and laughter is had in the absence of the voice you so want to hear. It’s called loss. It’s called grief. It’s called LOVE.

This week our beloved Harry had his first heavenly birthday. I am in no doubt that it was immense and that he thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. After all this is a man who purposed to enjoy every moment of life regardless of how small and insignificant it may have seemed,so certainly a birthday in heaven will be valued considerably I’m sure. So why then am I so upset that he missed out on my meagre offering of celebration? Why did my dining room feel so empty and the day seem so mute? Surely as a person of faith I ought to be honouring this day ? Yes I should but in real life I just couldn’t. I wanted Annie to have her beloved by her side, I wanted his sons to see his face, his friends to hear his voice..I wanted sight of the loveliest,rosiest cheeks in all the world. Thats what I wanted. Selfish right? Absolutely and completely. Natural? I should hope so or else what was this great life lived so sacrificially all for?

You see Harry was extraordinary. He wasn’t a rich magnate. He wasn’t a learned man or a famous man. He wasn’t someone who lit the pages of history. He was that uniquely rare combination of a selfless human with a sincere heart. He lived all of his allocated years in the humble service of the God who had stolen his heart as a young man. No faith these eyes have ever witnessed has offered such a genuine  spirit as Harry’s. A belief so strong, so sincere, that even the pain of death and dying could not overtake it. In fact these were the moments when no other words would come. When only his deep and sincere love for his heavenly Father could pass his lips. I have nursed many years and been with plenty a dying soul, ask them what they need and you will almost certainly hear cries for water, comfort …rest. When asked, all our Harry could say was “I’m fine”. Even when pain and discomfort was visible, even when circumstance said it must be otherwise , always the words ‘I’m fine’.

There were needs. Great and powerful needs that required the very last of his earthly strengths. They were for others. They came in the form of prayers. Not communal, generic all encompassing prayers. Real prayers. Each heart named and each need and purpose listed. Slowly, deliberately ensuring that all those he loved were one last time taken in prayer before God. As a person of deep faith I experienced some renewal and affirmation in these moments. If THIS was the last thoughts of a man who had honoured God all his life I could only imagine the depth of love and belonging he felt with his Saviour.

And so Harry spent his last breaths of energy the way he had spent the rest of his life. On others. His legacy of love, sacrifice, belonging and acceptance of everyone will ring forever in my ears and in my heart. His requests are much to live up to, said so simply, so sincerely, from one who knew how to live them. For me they require thought and sacrifice. As yet I am not even close to the state of selflessness that Harry lived so easily. If I ever get within touching distance of this I will consider it one of the greatest achievements of my life.

I may desire to see his little face with all my heart. I may dream of his laugh and his giggle with sadness. I may long to hear his voice sing in delight , but it is no longer available. We had our time with this great man and now he is home. So no it’s not ok with me. I doubt it ever will be ,such was the heart of this incredible man. However with certainty I know one thing. Harry is more than fine. He is at his finest. Dressed in his royal robes he now sits , doubtless in absolute humility, at the feet of the Father he honoured with every beat of his heart.