Delivering Love

Today was one of those days that leaves your whole head and heart in a quandary . Along with one of my oldest , dearest friends, I said farewell to a beautiful girl whose life was cut all too short .

It was a strange feeling standing in front of her elegant white casket with her image vividly displayed above it on the screen . So young , so vibrant , no longer on this earth . She leaves behind a husband , a little son , a Mum , a Dad , brother , nieces , friends . All in disbelief that she is gone . 44 . Too young . Too soon . Incomprehensible .

I found myself feeling a mixture of emotions . Those of a mother who cannot imagine burying her child . The emotions of a parent confronted with the reality of a little boy who will never be loved by his mummy again . The memories of childhood friends, school days , laughter .. all lost in a brief montage of someone’s life celebration .

I hugged friends I haven’t seen in many years , those you only catch up with at weddings and the like … meeting up at a funeral is sadly a first . Looking around my mind was certain that it wasn’t real . That the lovely coffin did not contain the body of a old school friend . A beautiful , young woman , who should be living and loving with the same life and vigour as the rest of us . The brain can’t compute . It doesn’t want to . Too close to home . Too painful … too many “what ifs”.

My school friends have an importance in my life that I can’t adequately put into words . These are the people that seen you with acne , smelly feet , bad 80’s hair , teenage hormones … there’s not much they don’t know about you . Decades can pass but when it all comes down we are all just the same kids we were back then , the only difference is the baggage of life that we carry . Nobody can make me laugh like these guys , nobody makes you feel more comfortable, nobody flatters you more or insults you with such honesty . These are the reminders of the days of your life that made you an adult . The angst , the joy , the sorrows , the craziness … it’s your history .

A thousand memories floated through my mind today , not just of a beautiful girl who has gone to the next life , but of all my friends and classmates . Many still hold a place in my heart that is unshakable in its permanency . Some would do anything for me All I would need to do is ask . Some of these do not need to be asked and will shout through your letterbox as you sit despairing on your stairs refusing to be cast aside . They’ll tell you that you’re beautiful even if their memories are of a younger more vivacious you , they’ll simply make you feel like you belong . Like your place in this world matters.

As our friend was taken from the church to her final rest the words of George Michael , her guy, rang around the church .. reminding us of days gone by , of love and friendship that can never be replaced not ever . I’ll be loving you always .. History that is embedded in our hearts and minds and treasures that cannot be seen or sold . Memories .

So this blog is dedicated to my friends from school . They know who they are . I love them much and hang on to their unwavering friendship . Mostly though it is in memory of a beautiful girl that has awakened the reality of the fragility of life . Rest in peace Michelle and I pray the angels surround you with love .

In memory of

Michelle (Bunce) Campbell

June 1973 – March 2018