Delivering Love

I was raised in what modern terms people call “a blended family”. In other words not a 2.4 Mum + Dad + biological children . In our case we had the addition of my big hairy brother , by birth my first cousin , in life ALWAYS my brother . It wasn’t so acceptable in those days and we grew up with the questions of “why does your brother call your mum and dad aunt and uncle ” (his choice happily accepted). “He’s not your “real” brother though is he?” “Do you get more than him for Christmas?” ( no and seriously !)

Actually it wasn’t the presence of a relative in our home that was odd to people , that was as common then as it is now , what the difference was is the position that he held,without question, within our family . He was NOT an appendage . He was NOT an add on . He WAS ours . He was the same in every way and it was abhorrent to me that anyone could even wonder that there should be a difference . My parents NEVER made our family seem disjointed . He was part of it , wholly and completely and that was that. In truth I thought other people small and strange for even questioning that , I couldn’t grasp their confusion . How wonderful to be raised in such an environment of belonging and acceptance . I didn’t truly value the extent of that until many years into my adult life .

It wasn’t just my big brother , friends , true friends , were also family in our house . Those people that showed up on Christmas Day to share in family celebrations , those who were part of weddings, funerals , good times and bad . We were never taught to see these people as anything other than treasured family members. Oft times these are the individuals who are present when blood family simply are not , or moreover when blood family cannot or will not .

We were raised to understand the importance of a person to you had nothing to do with their DNA set up . Of course family mattered , we were also taught to love our family no matter what . To understand the ‘why’s’ and circumstances of turbulent lives and to love regardless . Even in our biological family the titles did not always match the roles played . Some failed dramatically while others stepped up magnificently . In short the position of a person in your life was judged on the love they offered not the title that lineage gave them .

Fast forward to now . Here I am a middle aged woman with a family as “blended” and as confusing to others as it’s ever been . The truth is it doesn’t matter a hoot to me who does or does not understand the relationships in my life . They are not tasked to live and love my life and so I have,over the years , learned to ignore what stems from an unwillingness of others to understand . I have also learned to stand firm. That isn’t always easy but who am I to baulk at a task that my parents before me didn’t . God chose my family and therefore they are mine . I am blessed . Infinitely .

Nobody steps into a situation like this lightly . It is not a flashing notion to allow people to enter your life . If it is then that is wrong . It must be a better or worse , richer or poorer, in sickness and in health type affair . There can be nothing that will prevent you loving unconditionally those that you welcome into your life . It may get tough . It may frustrate . It may even need distance sometimes . But it must never be dismissed . Love is not an emotion that can be turned off without great impact on all involved .

So what do you get in return ? You get aunties who love you like their own daughter , you get sisters that couldn’t possible be called simply friends. You get tiny toddlers marching around your home in a way that shows the world that they are safe and sound within your arms of love . In short you get infinitely more than you give .

You get to look at your wee dad sitting like the cat that got the cream with his tiny adopted ginger great granddaughter cuddled asleep on his lap as only 2 year old girls and grandpas can do . You have aunties that cry with joy at the happiness of her “other family” you get “brothers” who cook your Mum braised steak because she’s fussy and doesn’t like pasta . You get sisters and daughters and friends and cousins that walk life always ‘for you’ .. frankly it’s a no brainer as my American cousins would say .

So what’s DNA got to do with it ? NOTHING AT ALL !!! Family is who you walk life with. It’s who you trust with those that matter most to you . It’s who sacrifices for you and with you. It’s the people that make up the notes of the song of your life . I love my ‘family’ , every last colourful one of them … I wouldn’t change a thing !

Pappi Pete and his granddaughter .. a mutual adoration if ever there was one